Well, the first re-write of Chapter 1 has now happened. This followed your feedback. Thank you to all those who contributed. This happened purely and only because of those opinions.
So, the main change, my wake-up call so to speak, was the number of characters I removed. In my head, this was a necessity to set the scene, but as many of you pointed out – this just led to confusion and uncertainty.
The general consensus online seems to be we should only introduce two to three characters in the first chapter. Anything more confuses the reader. This makes sense but also creates its own issues, such as balancing scene-setting with pacing. I realized I was trying to explain too much too soon instead of letting the story naturally unfold. In the revised draft, I limited the focus to Joe, Katherine, and one subplot character, Frank. This gave readers fewer people to keep track of while strengthening their connection to the main characters.
Another major revision came from feedback about the story’s opening. The original draft started with Joe managing a client call—a deliberate choice meant to showcase his work pressures. But many of you suggested it was too stereotypical and didn’t pull you in immediately to the storyline. So, in the re-write, I introduced a mysterious subplot: the ‘observer.’
I purposely kept the observer’s story short and vague. Hopefully, it’s enough to create suspense or spark curiosity. The observer’s presence is meant to enhance the tension without overwhelming the reader with unnecessary complexity early on, which hopefully helps the reader to distinguish between what they should be focusing on at this early stage.
If you read books, you have an opinion. I’m really new to this and need your help. Please get in touch and tell me what you think of my story at [email protected]
The other key comments were about the dialogue. Some of you felt it was too polished and predictable, almost as if the characters were reciting lines. I worked hard to fix this by making their conversations more authentic. For example, Katherine’s corporate buzzwords now clash with her subtle nervous habits, making her less of a “scripted” boss and more of a flawed, relatable character.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve taken away from this process is the importance of trust—trusting the reader to piece things together without over-explaining, and trusting myself to let the story breathe. Simplifying the character list and streamlining the opening didn’t just make the chapter clearer; it made it stronger. It’s a good reminder that less is often more.
What’s Next?
While I’m pleased with my first re-write, but it’s far from final. Here are a few things I’m still thinking about changing:
- Katherines flawed character: I just feel she could become even more relatable.
- The Observer Subplot: The mysterious observer has sparked intrigue, which I love. But I’ve realised his actions are a bit of a list. Re-writing the same story in something which creates more drama may improve the opening exchanges.
- I don’t like the description of Frank at all: He’s stereotypical of a villain and could do with re-writing altogether.
- I’m unsure if I need to hint that Joe has a family: At this moment the reader may feel this is a gangster or legal novel. Dropping a few hints about Joe’s family life may add a little further depth early on.
Your Thoughts Are Crucial
This novel is a work in progress, and your feedback has already made a world of difference. So, what do you think of the changes so far? Did the new opening grab your attention? Do the characters feel more relatable? Are there parts that still feel unclear or underwhelming?
Please share your thoughts in the comments or message me directly. Your insights will shape not just Chapter 1 but the entire direction of this story. Let’s keep this collaborative journey going—together, we can create something truly engaging. No idea is a bad idea and I would love to hear your feedback. Tell me what you think at [email protected]
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